Useful Thoughts

Today my gf and I went to a local media photoshoot for the charity she works for. Adjacent to the venue, there is a car park in which we parked, although it was pretty full and we got the last space.

While the gf is getting her stuff out of the car, I start to walk towards the pedestrian exit. An area clearly defined by large criss-crossed yellow lines, about the width of a parking space, the kind that invariably mean DON'T PARK HERE.

I'm casually standing on the lines, minding my own business, when out of my periphery I notice a car approaching me. Since he can't possibly be attempting to park in the clearly defined NO PARKING pedestrian exit, I think nothing of him and continue to stand.

Then the fucker starts creeping his car towards me, evidently trying to park. He's not allowed to park here, so I'm not moving. He gets really close and starts waving his hands at me angrily. I calmly take half a step back and motion with my arms to the clearly defined DONT PARK HERE area in which I'm standing.

Then Mr Fuckpiece half gets out of his car and tells me I can either move or get run over. I remind him of the yellow lines and that he can't fucking well park there. To which he says 'I don't fucking care, either move or I'll run you over'.

Contrary to ignorant belief, these do not mean 'Park here and act like a cunt'

Now, this is the typical problem I mentioned before. Despite my desire to argue and kill anyone who fucks me around, I generally can't react quickly enough in unanticipated situations to do what I'd like.  The correct course of action would have been to scream 'WELL FUCKING RUN ME OVER THEN AND I'LL FUCKING HAVE YOU FOR ASSAULT, CUNT', while bursting a blood vessel over his face, to assert my sincerety.

Much to my distress, I merely told him he was a FUCKING PRICK and moved out the way. I'm very upset. I really should be more inclined to stand my ground and beat the living fucking cunting shit out of fuckbags like this that think they can just park anywhere they want, at their convenience, in contravention of basic human decency.

The blow was doubly upsetting, as afterwards I decided I was going to key the crap out of his car when we got back to the car park, but then, unfortunately, he'd gone.

I fail.

The next time someone says 'Credit Crunch' in a context that is not ironic sarcasm, I'm going to punch them in the face.

BBC, this means you.