Category Archive: Humour

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kgbdeals has a funny definition of ‘No-strings attached’

Email to my inbox today. Had to repost due to extreme comedy. I guarantee you will find this funny*.

*Funniness NOT guaranteed.

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Wrong Railtrack Letters

The story of Railtrack Limited, a company registered after the dissolution and renaming of Railtrack Plc, is one that was recently recommended to me. After I went looking I found a copy of these extremely humourous letters but could find only one link to the file without a decent preamble of what it was.

In short, the chap that registered Railtrack Limited in Scotland had no association with the old Railtrack plc, but predictably began to receive a weath of correspondence from lazy solicitors and debt collectors who simply looked up the name on Companies House without doing any further research.

Suffice to say this guy makes these people look very silly, and a PDF of the letters is mirrored here, lest it suddenly dissapear and deprive the internet of a very well-worded laugh.

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Full Toilet & Hand Cleaning Instructions

Had to take a snap of this. A local convenience has this very unambiguous notice displayed on every wall.

If the cap fits? What?

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Boris Johnson’s Arms Race

Mayor of London, Boris Johnson, was quoted today as saying he did not want to make use of water cannons [as a way of dispersing student tuition fee protesters], as he ‘did not want to engage in an arms race’.

Boris, what do you think they’re going to do? Turn up to protests armed with retaliatory super-soakers?

Oh the humanity.

Won’t somebody please think of the children?

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Dodgy Adverts

I’ve had cause to browse Gumtree for flat listings recently, and golly I’ve come across all kinds of disturbing offers. Here’s one:

40s male has a double room available to adventurous female in clean, modern, very quiet 2-bed flat. Wireless internet and study space.

Rent is negotiable.

For this I read ‘Creepy bloke offers room for sex’. Ewww.

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BBC plays it safe on South Park

After South Park’s 200th episode, ‘featuring’ the Islamic prophet ‘moohammed’ in a bear costume, the creators received the standard number of death threats (or ‘warnings’) from the muslim extreme. The BBC reported on the issue with this article:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/8636455.stm

The article noted how, despite the fact the prophet was not actually represented and appeared within a bear costume, this was still deemed to have been a ‘representation’ of good old Mo, and so was naturally worthy of DEATH.

The BBC illustrated the episode with a screenshot of the four South Park boys along with the character in the forementioned bear suit. At the time I thought this a bit of an oversight, as surely the ‘moohammed’ in the bear costume was still technically a representation, thus propagating the alleged offense.

Seems that the BBC did indeed clock that fact, as the image was swiftly replaced with a standard shot of just the four South Park boys. To say this is cowardly of the BBC is an understatement, and is the fruition of the amusing parody the South Park creators sought to create. They knew even the suggestion of ‘mo wrapped up in a costume would be enough to outrage sensitive religious souls, and to see the BBC self-censor a picture of a FUCKING BEAR COSTUME is quite remarkable.

Of course, the joke’s on everyone, as Mo wasn’t actually in the suit, Santa was. The elves will be furious.

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60-foot penis painted on roof

From BBC NewsbeatAn 18-year-old has secretly painted a 60ft drawing of a phallus on the roof of his parents' £1million mansion in Berkshire. It was there for a year before his parents found out. They say he'll have to scrub it off when he gets back from travelling.

An 18-year-old has secretly painted a 60ft drawing of a phallus on the roof of his parents' £1million mansion in Berkshire. It was there for a year before his parents found out. They say he'll have to scrub it off when he gets back from travelling.

Man, what a cock.

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My Broken Tumble Dryer II

The tumble dryer sold for an amazing £26 – quids in! It’s been paid for and picked up already. This was much more of a satisfactory conclusion than getting the council to take it away for free.

Posterity-worthy archive of final listing page and questions asked.

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My Broken Tumble Dryer

Very upsettingly my tumble dryer decided to start smoking in an unhappy ‘I’m about to set on fire if you don’t turn me off’ kind of way on Tuesday night. After going out and buying another one, this time with 3 years warranty, I’ve decided to sell my old tumble dryer on eBay.

The fact that it’s broken should not put people off, as I’ve tried very hard to make the listing appealing. It has so far generated many questions from interested parties.

It was either this or get the council to come and pick it up for free.

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