You may have noticed that the new Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim Dawnguard DLC for the PC is crashing a lot for you, with a Microsoft Virtual C++ Library exception, citing a ‘pure virtual function call’ error.

No good explanation for this. The crashes are not often triggered by anything, they just seem to happen randomly during play. It may be due to Dawnguard’s ridiculously massive open-world mechanics causing some kind of memory exception, and it can’t be a conflict with any Skyrim mods because I don’t have any installed.

It’s bloody annoying anyway. Please post any possible fixes.

When deciding which vendor to buy pizza from, taste is invariably the most important factor. Today I will not argue against what I consider to be common knowledge: Dominos tastes nicer. They just do. For some reason I’ve always found Pizza Hut much more bland, with rubbery cheese that doesn’t sit well either on the base or in your stomach.

But taste is not the only factor – price plays a major part in deciding where to buy. Buying pizza from either is pretty expensive – usually around £15.00 for a large, with an extra £2 for a different crust or additional toppings. When even a really fancy store-bought pizza costs no more than £5-6, they really need to be offering something more than just delivering to your door.

I won’t buy a Dominos without a voucher code (or discount code, coupon, whatever you want to call it), and this is where I really struggle. Dominos issue so many voucher codes, which are time-limited and very often regional such that you can only use it in a few local outlets. When the savvy consumer is searching the internet for a discount, it’s always a struggle to find one that works properly.

Not so with Pizza Hut – the codes for them I’ve seen have very long viability (usually around 3 months), they work nation-wide, but more critically, they abide by proper ‘minimum spend’ rules. What do I mean by that?

You have not reached the required minimum spend of £25.00

is what I always see when trying to use a Dominos code. This is confusing as I always have £25 of stuff in my basket. The critical factor is, when Dominos say ‘minimum spend’, they mean PIZZA ONLY. Drinks, sides, and desserts don’t count. This is a big problem. If I’m feeling fat, I could buy a large, with a drink, a side, and an ice cream pot for just over £26. The voucher I’m most likely to use is one that is £10 off £25, or possibly £10 off £30 spend, but when Dominos wants me to buy £30 of pizza, I just can’t do it! I have no use for two large pizzas in one go and then to get my discount I’d have to spend around £40 – far too much for a meal to myself and not good value for money.

I have turned away and closed the Dominos site so many times because I couldn’t find a voucher code that played ball. But Pizza Hut DOES count EVERYTHING in your basket towards the minimum spend, so recently I got a large pizza, nacho starter, and tub of ice cream for £26, and then had £10 knocked off with a very easy to find voucher, making the total spend £16. I’d say the pizza was only two-thirds as tasty, but it was still good, and I got my starter and dessert for the price I wanted – and for me that will be the winner over any competitor.

Sort it out, Dominos.

 

With the Opening Ceremony of the much hyped London 2012 Olympic games just a day away, I can’t help but look at the Olympic Torch relay in wonder.

Not because I find it interesting, but because I don’t. Actually I can’t think of anything more moronic or pointless.

The torch carries the ‘Olympic Flame’, which is supposed to commemorate the theft of fire from the Greek god Zeus by Prometheus. For any sensible monotheists or atheists out there, we all recognise that as mythological bollocks. So just off the bat, we can see the fundamental premise of the symbolism is based on something made up.

Secondly, this habit of dragging a torch around in the run up to the Olympics is not a tradition that runs back centuries. The ancient Greeks certainly didn’t do it, and it actually started in Germany in 1936. There are plenty of worthless ‘traditions’ that are perpetuated simply on the grounds that it’s been done for x-hundred years, but this isn’t one of them.

Then, we take a stark look at what people are actually doing. They’re carrying a lump of metal, based on a stupid fairytale, around the country. The people that do this are ostensibly intelligent celebrities, public figures, role models, or others who are utterly humbled for the honour of participating in this bizarrely illogical procession.

Are these torches ancient artefacts that are only made visible to the public once every four years? No, they’re bespoke, modern creations, manufactured in the present day at great cost, and entirely as a PR exercise. It’s a dull, dreary, evident advert for the fact the Olympics is coming soon – as if we could possibly have escaped that fact in the seven years since London won the bid.

Finally, we look at the ‘Great British Public’ – a veritable legion of hapless automatons who actually turn out in their hundreds and thousands to spectate the lump of metal being carried around. Traffic piles up, those commuting to work suffer misery, people trying to go about their daily lives find roads closed or thronged with people that don’t need to be there. All of this, so they can watch a trumped-up advert go past.

The real lucky ones are those who get to keep their copy of the torch – they go for a pretty penny on eBay, capitalising utterly on the manufactured worth of the whole artificial spectacle.

For reasons that bemuse me, many Americans insist on mispronouncing the world-famous tennis tournament, held at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club, with a ‘t’ instead of a ‘d’. The fact that Google’s autocomplete tries to offer you ‘Wimbleton’ search results, because so many make the mistake, is very telling.

For the avoidance of doubt, let me clarify. Wimbledon, not Wimbleton!

You may have seen your friends liking this link. DON’T CLICK ON IT.

It will have been accompanied by the image of a lady’s posterior. Naturally you’re supposed to click on it like a moron. This is a standard type of ‘Like-Jacking’ spam. Once you click on the link and visit the page, a script automatically makes you like the page too, which then advertises the fact on Facebook. As a result, more people click on it, and unwittingly like it, and so it spreads.

Lesson here: Don’t click links just because it has a stupid headline and a tempting image. Be smarter.